My name is Kathy, and I am an alcoholic. I am also the founder of Sober Dating…One Date at a Time. The first time I said those words out loud in a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous was perhaps the first time in my entire life that I spoke my truth.
I have been sober for almost two years and in those months I have grown beyond compare. I live a life filled with peace, joy, serenity and healthy relationships. I also live a life free of alcohol. Being an alcoholic doesn’t define who I am. How I conduct my life since my “white light moment” defines me.
Sixty, divorced, mother of four, grandmother of two, is what most people see. But there is so much more to this alcoholic. What most people don’t know about me is that I am a person who loves being in relationship-it feeds my soul. After my divorce, I lost my legs. I lost my compass. I was living with a hole in my soul. For a brief time, my friend “alcohol” filled me up. But in the end, alcohol betrayed me. It is indeed cunning, baffling and powerful. My relationship with alcohol became the only relationship that mattered. I destroyed everything that was important to me.
I found myself on the floor of a hotel room in Las Vegas after a night of black out drinking praying for God to help me. I had tried to stop drinking before. I tried drinking only clear alcohol, I tried drinking only beer, I tried drinking only on the weekends. In the end, alcohol won every battle at attempting to stop.
I called the only friend I had who was sober. “Mimi…it’s me…I think I need a meeting.” Mimi had over twenty- five years of sobriety under her belt, and I trusted her. She took me to my first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous at the Alano Club in Santa Barbara, Ca. I told her I wasn’t going to speak. She smiled. The chair of the meeting called on me…”um, Mimi’s friend. Yes, you. Would you like to share”? I almost threw up. “My name is Kathy and I’m pretty sure I’m an alcoholic.” The entire room erupted in laughter. Did I not realize where I was? I was clueless but I knew that I wasn’t going back to the floor of that hotel room ever again. So,I kept going. And it actually got easier. I actually began to heal. I trusted Mimi and I trusted the process. It had worked for her and so many other people. I knew it would work for me too.
About nine months into my sobriety, I started missing being in a relationship. I knew I couldn’t go back to those apps that were filled with liars and con artists. I needed a platform that had what I was looking for-a connection with someone who lived their life in sobriety, honesty, acceptance and most importantly, peace. I searched online and never found one. So I did what I was told to do when I was in search of answers-I prayed. I asked the Universe to show me the way. The Universe answered. She told me to develop an app of my own. I don’t know why, but this made complete sense to me.
Saying my truth out loud had worked for me the past nine months, I had no doubt it would work again. I asked for help and help I got. The people who needed to be in my life to make this dream come true started showing up. I never questioned it. I accepted it. It is how I live my life now. I ask for what I need, not what I want. There is a difference.
Sober Dating took nine months to develop and bring to fruition. Sober Dating has been a labor of love and I have so many people to thank for this unbelievable journey. My children, my grandchildren, the significant others of my children, my dogs, my app developer, and most importantly, my Higher Power are all part of what made this dream come true.
In gratitude and light, I wish everyone a happy destiny.