Back in 2019, eHarmony conducted a study done by Harris Interactive on what men and women find desirable in a partner. With over 1,000 people taking part in the study, it has never been more clear on what people are looking for in a partner. Although COVID may have thrown some curveballs, dating still boils down to a few simple things. Let’s get to the numbers!
A massive 70% of people on dating apps are more initially attracted to someone that states that they are seeking a serious relationship rather than something casual. Especially after being on lockdown for more than a year, people are more interested in a deep and emotional connection more than anything else.
Physical attraction didn’t crack the top three. This may come as a surprise, but its clear its a universal non deal-breaker. As long as there is some initial attraction when you land on their profile, its all about everything else from there on out.
The top 5 factors people find desirable:
1. Honesty (54%)
2. Kindness (44%)
3. Sense of humor (34%)
4. Physical attraction (34%)
5. Intelligence (29%)
This is very promising data for nice people. Theres no shortage of memes, jokes, and cliches about daters only being into someone for their looks and money. But this study shows clearly that people are just as smart as we would hope they are, and they know that honesty and kindness at the top of the list. Any couple that has been in a relationship for longer than a short few months know that the glue in the relationship is never how someone looks, but more importantly how they treat each other and how deep their connection is.
Your Job Matters, But Not In The Way You Think
When you hear that your job matters, you immediately think you need to be making insane amounts of money. Thats just not true. In the study it showed that if you have a job in the caring business, or the business of taking care of people, it immediately pulls a heart string, regardless of the gender. Jobs such as nurses, firefighters, professors, and others cut from the same cloth are a sure-fire way to get to the heart. If you do happen to work in one of these professions, make sure you include it in your bio. If you have a picture of you in working action too, that’s only extra awesome bonus points.
Another part of the study that raised some eyebrows were the pets. If a potential partner had dog, it was 35% more likely that the person would be interested in you, regardless of the gender. As for cats, the number drops to 16% more likely, but an extra few chances is nothing to complain about. You could dive deep into why this is attractive. Pets are only dependent on their owner, and no one else. And because most people on the app are single, you are showing that by having a pet, it doesn’t intimidate or scare you that a living creature is fully dependent on you. Although it is something no one will ever verbalize, it’s a true fact that many humans don’t realize.
Imagine coming back to your date’s house and seeing a cute little puppy or cat just waiting at the door for them. This might be the cutest and most precious part of the date. If you are the person with the cute little pet, just know that your potential parenting is near melting right when the pet starts getting all over you. Its almost like having a kid without actually having the history of having a kid. And kids are great, but dogs don’t need a babysitter.
Diversify Your Hobbies
Grab your jacket sweetheart, were going out for dinner! 35% of all men and women find it more attractive if the person enjoys going out to eat. This doesn’t mean running to your nearest Subway, grabbing a foot long, and bringing it back while you watch Friends. People love the idea of going out. They like to feel taken care of, they like to sit down and enjoy some fine dining while getting to know someone, and they like to feel like you’re investing in them. Whether that’s with the check for the food or the time you’re spending with them, they want to feel it.
Another 30% of men and women love it when the other likes to bake. They don’t have to be too good at it, but enjoying it is most of the battle. But enough about the food, what else do people like to see? Roughly 25% of all men and women like it when they can take their date out to listen to live music. Being comfortable in a social environment while dancing around and singing your heart out is something that everyone loves to see.
All in all, this study gives comfort for many singles. Prospects aren’t looking for an incredibly, out of this world, wealthy man with a perfect body. Although thats exactly what mainstream media has been portraying for decades, it’s simply not true. Singles are looking for someone to have a deep connection with. They want to feel loved and appreciated, valued, and most importantly, they want to feel like you care about them.
Being someone that cares for people, whether you are in an occupation or a person that simply cares about being decent with others, your preferred person is going to find you a lot more attractive.
When it comes to the one specific point that you’re looking for, or the main question that brought you here, “What can I do, universally, to be found more attractive?” Be more caring. Be more outgoing. Be willing to take on loads of responsibility. Own up to mistakes and apologize when you’re wrong.
Be willing to be the person that no one else is willing to be so you can have the people that you really want.